God is Bigger Than My Questions

Two days ago I heard some news that maybe really shouldn't have effected me so much...........but it did.  A sweet little two year old that has been through so much in her short life was once again thrown back to the front line in the war for her life.  As I type, doctors--experts in the field--are trying to come up with a plan to wage this fight again.  And so, the questions come...........the big ones.........the ones that I don't have answers to or the answers I do have are just not very satisfying........

Where is God?  Why is this happening to this little girl..........AGAIN?  What is the purpose?  WHY, WHY, WHY????????

God is right here.......I know that.........I feel that..........I believe that with everything in me.  But that in no way takes away the pain.  I can come up with reasons why and give this situation purpose in human terms, but those are shallow at best..........and they do nothing to make me feel better.  And so, I am left with the question, why?  and the answer...I DON'T KNOW!  I'll be honest...........I would really like to know why these things happen.  But God knows that I don't need to know.........heck, I probably wouldn't even understand if He spelled it out for me.  He promises that all things work together for the good of those who love Him.............He does not promise that all things work together to make Amy feel like it is good for her or so that Amy can clearly see that it is good.

And then just to up the trust meter a little bit, the following story broke nationwide yesterday..........http://abcnews.go.com/Health/CancerPreventionAndTreatment/critical-shortage-childrens-leukemia-drug/story?id=15557922  A drug that every expert in the country says that my baby girl needs to kick leukemia's butt may not be available when she needs it.  That terrifies me and makes me more than a little bit angry!  They value a HUGE profit more than they value life........life with what most of us would consider a nice enough profit anyway.  It's frustrating!  But like I said on our caring bridge site........God can heal my girl with or without methotrexate........I know that; I believe that..........................now I must choose to LIVE that.

God never promised an easy life here (in fact, pretty much the opposite), but He did promise never to leave me.  I am thankful.

And on a side note, if any of you want to 'key' to our caringbridge site, please leave a comment here, and I'll think about letting you in ;)

                                                                                       Amy