I'll just go ahead and state up front that if I had been able to look into the future and see what 2011 was going to hold for me, I would have been pleading with God, "No, no, no!!!!!!" There would have been no, "Yes, Lord" from me. That's just one of the many reasons that I am glad that I can't see all that God sees. What I do know without a doubt is that God was not surprised by anything that happened in 2011!
When I look back on my journals from 2011, it often feels like I am reading about someone else's life. Yet, so much of it seems like it just happened a few minutes ago as well. I'm putting pictures of Miss D from throughout the year in this blog of remembering. It's not that I have forgotten that I have two other children; it just that for me (and this is my blog after all) I see 2011 reflected in her eyes.....sometimes with great happiness, sometimes with great pain, but always with a smile that is only the result of the joy of the Lord. Miss D has taught me over and over this year exactly how to say, "Yes, Lord."
|December 2010.....1 month before life changed forever.|
This first picture was taken in December of 2010...........back when our schedule was full of all sorts of 'good' things. I was a master of saying , "Yes".
|Just 4 days before diagnosis.|
Then my perfect little world, with my happy little family and my filled to the brim schedule shattered at the moment the words were uttered........."Your daughter has a blood cancer called leukemia. I've called the pediatric oncologist, and he is on his way." This is what I wrote about it at the time......
Then she stood there looking at me; I can only imagine the emotions running across my face. My world was shaken to its very foundation. I remember her asking if I was okay. My response came from deep within my soul…….”God is still the same God today that He was yesterday, and He’ll still be the same tomorrow. I need to call my husband and get back to my little girl.” I know she thought I was losing it, but I wasn’t. I had just found rock bottom and knew that it was solid ground.
|4 days post diagnosis|
|August 2011 Happy birthdday sweet girl!|
I began 2011 living in what I thought was the Light.......turns out in was definitely in the shadows.......only to be plunged into the darkness where I really found the Light. I will remember 2011 as the year that I really started to learn what it would mean to say, "Yes, Lord". God is good all the time...........in fact, He's so much more than good. Sometimes you have to go into the dark to truly appreciate the light. I will tell you that in my darkest moments, the Light shone more brilliantly than I had ever seen. This year is one that taught me to let go of a lot of things....some bad things, but more good things. Saying "Yes, Lord" will always mean saying "No." to something else. I wouldn't trade this year of letting go of the world and clinging ever more closely to God for anything.
Now go ahead and look back through these pictures. Cancer takes so much from the patient and their families. But look again, can you see what cancer can never touch? Cancer can't even get close to snuffing out Life...........He lives and loves and brings joy. Now I know from experience, that no matter what the road the God leads me to, no matter the pain involved........I can say "Yes, Lord" with joy in my heart and anticipation of His blessings along the way. Thank you Lord!
I'll close with my facebook status from tonight.....
Happy New Year blog world! May 2012 be a year of drawing closer to God with every 'Yes'.