Two days ago I heard some news that maybe really shouldn't have effected me so much...........but it did. A sweet little two year old that has been through so much in her short life was once again thrown back to the front line in the war for her life. As I type, doctors--experts in the field--are trying to come up with a plan to wage this fight again. And so, the questions come...........the big ones.........the ones that I don't have answers to or the answers I do have are just not very satisfying........
Where is God? Why is this happening to this little girl..........AGAIN? What is the purpose? WHY, WHY, WHY????????
God is right here.......I know that.........I feel that..........I believe that with everything in me. But that in no way takes away the pain. I can come up with reasons why and give this situation purpose in human terms, but those are shallow at best..........and they do nothing to make me feel better. And so, I am left with the question, why? and the answer...I DON'T KNOW! I'll be honest...........I would really like to know why these things happen. But God knows that I don't need to know.........heck, I probably wouldn't even understand if He spelled it out for me. He promises that all things work together for the good of those who love Him.............He does not promise that all things work together to make Amy feel like it is good for her or so that Amy can clearly see that it is good.
And then just to up the trust meter a little bit, the following story broke nationwide yesterday..........http://abcnews.go.com/Health/CancerPreventionAndTreatment/critical-shortage-childrens-leukemia-drug/story?id=15557922 A drug that every expert in the country says that my baby girl needs to kick leukemia's butt may not be available when she needs it. That terrifies me and makes me more than a little bit angry! They value a HUGE profit more than they value life........life with what most of us would consider a nice enough profit anyway. It's frustrating! But like I said on our caring bridge site........God can heal my girl with or without methotrexate........I know that; I believe that..........................now I must choose to LIVE that.
God never promised an easy life here (in fact, pretty much the opposite), but He did promise never to leave me. I am thankful.
And on a side note, if any of you want to 'key' to our caringbridge site, please leave a comment here, and I'll think about letting you in ;)
Amy
Saturday, February 11, 2012
Monday, January 23, 2012
Feeling Deeply
The last 10 days have been hard for me emotionally. And for the last 10 days I have been doing my best to keep moving through the pain. But today, I just really felt lead to slow down and even stop and to just feel it all........feel it deeply..........and hopefully to let it go. Over the last week I have said "see you on the other side" to 11 kids ranging in age from 2-13.........way too young to pass. I hate what cancer does to our children!!!! In addition to that, several that are in the midst of the fight have recieved not so good news........and that hurts too. I don't know, it just seems like for every one bit of good news, there have been 4 or 5 bits of bad news. Most of these friends are of the online variety with just a few 'real life' ones thrown in. I have been advised to 'step away from the computer' by some who I know just want things to be easier for me. But there is a firmer, more consistent voice in my heart that says that this is where He is sending me..........to feel their hurt and share their burdens. I may 'only get to type on a keyboard' but it is what I am called to do. Their names are on my heart in constant prayer..........they feel much closer to me than most of the the people I actually see in person. We are sharing real life..........more real than we wanted to know about. We also share the ups in our lives right in the midst of the downs.
So, I'm not going to change in how I share my heart, but I am going to change in the way I deal with it. No more charging through the pain........I'm going to pause, to feel, to feel deeply..........and then let it go. I am going to celebrate our good news as if it were my own. I am blessed to share real life with these cyber friends and the in person friends God has brought my way.
I am going to enjoy each moment with my own three and make the most of the time that I get to have my hubby. Living life and saying yes with each breath...........saying yes to the moment whatever it may hold. Give your kids a hug and say a prayer for those that would give anything in the world just to hug their babies one more time.
So, I'm not going to change in how I share my heart, but I am going to change in the way I deal with it. No more charging through the pain........I'm going to pause, to feel, to feel deeply..........and then let it go. I am going to celebrate our good news as if it were my own. I am blessed to share real life with these cyber friends and the in person friends God has brought my way.
I am going to enjoy each moment with my own three and make the most of the time that I get to have my hubby. Living life and saying yes with each breath...........saying yes to the moment whatever it may hold. Give your kids a hug and say a prayer for those that would give anything in the world just to hug their babies one more time.
Amy
Thursday, January 5, 2012
God Is In the Details
(If you are a reader of our Caring Bridge site, this is also posted there.)
I wonder why I'm still amazed when God speaks so clearly to my heart. Nothing magic has happened since I last posted---cancer's crappiness has not vanished. But God is ever present with His love and grace. He is faithful when I am not.
I am a member if a Wednesday night Bible study group. This week, our reading was from the latter part of Isaiah. I can't even begin to count the times the words of Isaiah have echoed in my heart since January. God reveals Himself in so many ways in Isaiah. He proclaims that He is my redeemer over and over; He let's me know that "his understanding no one can fathom" (good thing since I don't even come close to understanding most things), He let's me know He has called me by name, He tells me I am "precious and honored in his sight", He tells me to stop and wait, He tells me more than once, "Do not be afraid", He says, "I will rescue you", and He reminds me that His ways and thoughts are higher than mine. So it's no wonder that over the last several months Isaiah's words have been a comfort to me.
I've known from the beginning if this journey that not one moment of this has taken Him by surprise. I've read the book of Isaiah many times, but as I was rereading today in preparation for our discussion tonight something new caught my attention. I didn't count how many times--I just know it was a lot---that God states some form of 'do not be afraid', 'I am your redeemer', or 'I will rescue you.' All of these have brought me comfort. But what really stood out to me today was that I wouldn't have to be afraid if there was nothing to fear, I wouldn't need a redeemer if redemption was unnecessary, I wouldn't need to be rescued if there was no peril. God knew exactly where I would be at this moment in time and He was already here before I got here. He's got this.........and even better, He knows exactly what 'this' is. Nothing about me or my life or my tangled emotions surprises Him. God knows what each second will bring; He's got it all covered. In John, He let's me know again that life is not always easy ---"In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." don't miss the verb tense here......I WILL have trouble, but He HAS ALREADY OVERCOME before I even get there.
Tonight while our group was discussing certain portions of the scripture reading, I discovered something else. In a passage that I've read many times and at least twice in the last week, I found the words of the prayer that I've been praying for the last couple of months. I didn't notice it when reading before class. It's not word for word, you know, because my brain really doesn't tend to speak in the eloquence of the Bible. Just another confirmation from God. You might call it a coincidence, but I think not!
My entire life on earth, much less the past year, wouldn't even be big enough for a blip in a picture of eternity, but God is lovingly in the smallest details of my existence here. I'm probably making no sense to you; oh well.
As if that wasn't enough for one day, it didn't stop there. God has chosen to bless me this year through a very special person in our church family. This person's words have penetrated my heart in a way that I know without a shadow of doubt that they are from the mouth of God. On several occasions this person has been the very arms of God. This person's hugs come straight from the Throne. Tonight was no different. A hug and a whisper in my heart---'Amy, you are not alone. I am here.'
And then when I got home, I received a phone call from a long distance friend. She hadn't read my last entry. She just called because she felt lead to. She talked, she listened, she cried with me, and she gave some very practical insights.
And so my day ended in the company of some of the people who would learn how to repel and join me if I fall off the emotional cliff I'm living on these days. I am blessed.
Much love,
I wonder why I'm still amazed when God speaks so clearly to my heart. Nothing magic has happened since I last posted---cancer's crappiness has not vanished. But God is ever present with His love and grace. He is faithful when I am not.
I am a member if a Wednesday night Bible study group. This week, our reading was from the latter part of Isaiah. I can't even begin to count the times the words of Isaiah have echoed in my heart since January. God reveals Himself in so many ways in Isaiah. He proclaims that He is my redeemer over and over; He let's me know that "his understanding no one can fathom" (good thing since I don't even come close to understanding most things), He let's me know He has called me by name, He tells me I am "precious and honored in his sight", He tells me to stop and wait, He tells me more than once, "Do not be afraid", He says, "I will rescue you", and He reminds me that His ways and thoughts are higher than mine. So it's no wonder that over the last several months Isaiah's words have been a comfort to me.
I've known from the beginning if this journey that not one moment of this has taken Him by surprise. I've read the book of Isaiah many times, but as I was rereading today in preparation for our discussion tonight something new caught my attention. I didn't count how many times--I just know it was a lot---that God states some form of 'do not be afraid', 'I am your redeemer', or 'I will rescue you.' All of these have brought me comfort. But what really stood out to me today was that I wouldn't have to be afraid if there was nothing to fear, I wouldn't need a redeemer if redemption was unnecessary, I wouldn't need to be rescued if there was no peril. God knew exactly where I would be at this moment in time and He was already here before I got here. He's got this.........and even better, He knows exactly what 'this' is. Nothing about me or my life or my tangled emotions surprises Him. God knows what each second will bring; He's got it all covered. In John, He let's me know again that life is not always easy ---"In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." don't miss the verb tense here......I WILL have trouble, but He HAS ALREADY OVERCOME before I even get there.
Tonight while our group was discussing certain portions of the scripture reading, I discovered something else. In a passage that I've read many times and at least twice in the last week, I found the words of the prayer that I've been praying for the last couple of months. I didn't notice it when reading before class. It's not word for word, you know, because my brain really doesn't tend to speak in the eloquence of the Bible. Just another confirmation from God. You might call it a coincidence, but I think not!
My entire life on earth, much less the past year, wouldn't even be big enough for a blip in a picture of eternity, but God is lovingly in the smallest details of my existence here. I'm probably making no sense to you; oh well.
As if that wasn't enough for one day, it didn't stop there. God has chosen to bless me this year through a very special person in our church family. This person's words have penetrated my heart in a way that I know without a shadow of doubt that they are from the mouth of God. On several occasions this person has been the very arms of God. This person's hugs come straight from the Throne. Tonight was no different. A hug and a whisper in my heart---'Amy, you are not alone. I am here.'
And then when I got home, I received a phone call from a long distance friend. She hadn't read my last entry. She just called because she felt lead to. She talked, she listened, she cried with me, and she gave some very practical insights.
And so my day ended in the company of some of the people who would learn how to repel and join me if I fall off the emotional cliff I'm living on these days. I am blessed.
Much love,
Amy
Saturday, December 31, 2011
2011
“I have come into the world as light, so that whoever believes in me may not remain in darkness.” John 12:46
I'll just go ahead and state up front that if I had been able to look into the future and see what 2011 was going to hold for me, I would have been pleading with God, "No, no, no!!!!!!" There would have been no, "Yes, Lord" from me. That's just one of the many reasons that I am glad that I can't see all that God sees. What I do know without a doubt is that God was not surprised by anything that happened in 2011!
When I look back on my journals from 2011, it often feels like I am reading about someone else's life. Yet, so much of it seems like it just happened a few minutes ago as well. I'm putting pictures of Miss D from throughout the year in this blog of remembering. It's not that I have forgotten that I have two other children; it just that for me (and this is my blog after all) I see 2011 reflected in her eyes.....sometimes with great happiness, sometimes with great pain, but always with a smile that is only the result of the joy of the Lord. Miss D has taught me over and over this year exactly how to say, "Yes, Lord."
This first picture was taken in December of 2010...........back when our schedule was full of all sorts of 'good' things. I was a master of saying , "Yes".
Then we have the picture from just a few short days before cancer entered our worlds. I remember loving those days because we had a ton of snow on the ground (for the Southeast at least), the world was pretty quiet, and I was 'forced' to stay home and enjoy being with my kids. We decided to build an igloo.......Miss D really just wanted to stay in and sit on the couch. I wouldn't let her. How could I have know that a beast was quickly invading her body and trying to snuff our her life? I've scoured the pictures for any signs that I missed; I've asked friends who saw us during these days if they suspected anything; I've cried more than a few tears. But God in His loving care, has shown me that He was all too aware and had every moment covered with His Hand.
Then my perfect little world, with my happy little family and my filled to the brim schedule shattered at the moment the words were uttered........."Your daughter has a blood cancer called leukemia. I've called the pediatric oncologist, and he is on his way." This is what I wrote about it at the time......
Do you know what happens when your life is altered so? Everything, and I mean everything, suddenly finds its proper place on the priorty list. This is the gift that cancer gave me from the very beginning. My schedule was very suddenly cleared of everything that didn't truly matter. Yes, Lord. Your schedule is by far superior to mine!
I remember this day like it was yesterday. It was Valentine's Day. It was a clinic day for D. She had 4 chemos injected into her body that morning. Then we came home to the most glorious day. She and I sat outside on the porch swing and talked about Heaven. We took tons of pictures of each other and together.
The days, the weeks, and the months passed by........sometimes fast, but more often they were slow.
These moments taught me a lot about living and loving. I sadly said goodbye to some friendships that couldn't handle this disease and what it brought to our lives. But I also discovered some very sweet friendships of the eternal variety. The friends that God sends to walk through the valley with you are the best. Some of them I knew on the mountain top before, and some of them I met in the valley with me. They are all precious........they are the gifts that God brought to me in this time and this place to have for eternity.
The summer brought scheduled hosptial time.......which God so graciously took and made special time with each of my children. My boys took turns staying with D and I in the hospital. Our family relationships were completely changed and enriched by the experience.
Miss D and Mr. M also had birthdays in the summer. It was a sweet time of celebrating life. It was also one of the hardest days for me emotionally. God and I had several heart wrenching conversations during those weeks.
Fall arrived with it's own blessings for our family. New experiences, one on one travels, and so much more. This time also allowed us to begin to add things back into our lives.......fun things like sports, clubs, and classes. Only this time, they were each added with perspective and placed appropriately on the priority list.
We finished out our year celebrating life.......Jesus's birthday and the gift of eternity with Him. As you can see, we enjoyed a few gifts. But the greatest gift of all was being able to spend the day loving and living with all of our family together. Even in all the hub-bub of the season, we didn't lose site of the things that really matter.
I began 2011 living in what I thought was the Light.......turns out in was definitely in the shadows.......only to be plunged into the darkness where I really found the Light. I will remember 2011 as the year that I really started to learn what it would mean to say, "Yes, Lord". God is good all the time...........in fact, He's so much more than good. Sometimes you have to go into the dark to truly appreciate the light. I will tell you that in my darkest moments, the Light shone more brilliantly than I had ever seen. This year is one that taught me to let go of a lot of things....some bad things, but more good things. Saying "Yes, Lord" will always mean saying "No." to something else. I wouldn't trade this year of letting go of the world and clinging ever more closely to God for anything.
Now go ahead and look back through these pictures. Cancer takes so much from the patient and their families. But look again, can you see what cancer can never touch? Cancer can't even get close to snuffing out Life...........He lives and loves and brings joy. Now I know from experience, that no matter what the road the God leads me to, no matter the pain involved........I can say "Yes, Lord" with joy in my heart and anticipation of His blessings along the way. Thank you Lord!
I'll close with my facebook status from tonight.....
I'll just go ahead and state up front that if I had been able to look into the future and see what 2011 was going to hold for me, I would have been pleading with God, "No, no, no!!!!!!" There would have been no, "Yes, Lord" from me. That's just one of the many reasons that I am glad that I can't see all that God sees. What I do know without a doubt is that God was not surprised by anything that happened in 2011!
When I look back on my journals from 2011, it often feels like I am reading about someone else's life. Yet, so much of it seems like it just happened a few minutes ago as well. I'm putting pictures of Miss D from throughout the year in this blog of remembering. It's not that I have forgotten that I have two other children; it just that for me (and this is my blog after all) I see 2011 reflected in her eyes.....sometimes with great happiness, sometimes with great pain, but always with a smile that is only the result of the joy of the Lord. Miss D has taught me over and over this year exactly how to say, "Yes, Lord."
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| December 2010.....1 month before life changed forever. |
This first picture was taken in December of 2010...........back when our schedule was full of all sorts of 'good' things. I was a master of saying , "Yes".
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| Just 4 days before diagnosis. |
Then my perfect little world, with my happy little family and my filled to the brim schedule shattered at the moment the words were uttered........."Your daughter has a blood cancer called leukemia. I've called the pediatric oncologist, and he is on his way." This is what I wrote about it at the time......
Then she stood there looking at me; I can only imagine the emotions running across my face. My world was shaken to its very foundation. I remember her asking if I was okay. My response came from deep within my soul…….”God is still the same God today that He was yesterday, and He’ll still be the same tomorrow. I need to call my husband and get back to my little girl.” I know she thought I was losing it, but I wasn’t. I had just found rock bottom and knew that it was solid ground.
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| 4 days post diagnosis |
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| February 2011 |
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| March 2011 |
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| April 2011 |
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| May 2011 |
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| June 2011 |
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| July 2011 |
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| August 2011 Happy birthdday sweet girl! |
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| September 2011 |
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| October 2011 |
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| November 2011 |
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| December 2011 |
I began 2011 living in what I thought was the Light.......turns out in was definitely in the shadows.......only to be plunged into the darkness where I really found the Light. I will remember 2011 as the year that I really started to learn what it would mean to say, "Yes, Lord". God is good all the time...........in fact, He's so much more than good. Sometimes you have to go into the dark to truly appreciate the light. I will tell you that in my darkest moments, the Light shone more brilliantly than I had ever seen. This year is one that taught me to let go of a lot of things....some bad things, but more good things. Saying "Yes, Lord" will always mean saying "No." to something else. I wouldn't trade this year of letting go of the world and clinging ever more closely to God for anything.
Now go ahead and look back through these pictures. Cancer takes so much from the patient and their families. But look again, can you see what cancer can never touch? Cancer can't even get close to snuffing out Life...........He lives and loves and brings joy. Now I know from experience, that no matter what the road the God leads me to, no matter the pain involved........I can say "Yes, Lord" with joy in my heart and anticipation of His blessings along the way. Thank you Lord!
I'll close with my facebook status from tonight.....
Happy New Year blog world! May 2012 be a year of drawing closer to God with every 'Yes'.
Amy
Friday, November 25, 2011
Why Journal?
I have kept a journal off and on since I first learned how to write. The first journal I remember as a young child had a picture of a kitten on the front and that oh so secure gold lock that opened easier with a safety pin than the key. I really wish I still had that journal! I wonder what I wrote about. My D likes to journal. Sometimes she even lets me take a peek, but most of it she keeps to herself. Last Christmas she got a journal with a key; I hope that she remembers it when she is my age! I still have my journals from high school and college. And more than a few from my adult years too. This whole on-line thing still seems a bit too public for most of my thoughts; they are way too personal. I journal because I want to remember the good things and it helps me to process and get through the less good things. There have been times in my life when my journal was my only friend.
This particular journal is the direct result of something that I feel that the Lord has lead me to do. And still, most of my thoughts are writing on the pages of boring old spiral notebooks and haven't been posted here. I'm still working on saying, "Yes, Lord." Tonight, I said, "Yes." I would like to tell you that it feels great, but what I really feel at this moment is exposed. I think that God is teaching me to be honest with and about myself. I'm a slow learner; this could take awhile!
Oh well,
Amy
This particular journal is the direct result of something that I feel that the Lord has lead me to do. And still, most of my thoughts are writing on the pages of boring old spiral notebooks and haven't been posted here. I'm still working on saying, "Yes, Lord." Tonight, I said, "Yes." I would like to tell you that it feels great, but what I really feel at this moment is exposed. I think that God is teaching me to be honest with and about myself. I'm a slow learner; this could take awhile!
Oh well,
Amy
Choosing Joy Moment by Moment
There are so many things that I have considered posting here on this blog, but for many reasons, I haven't done it. This is one of those times. Should I or shouldn't I? For the moment I have decided to share the thoughts of my head and the feelings of my heart. This is a place for me to process; it's my blog, so I get to make the decisions here. The writing here would probably make an English teacher cringe, but I don't care. This is the kind of thing that is found in the many personal journals that I have kept over the years. It's for me and me alone; you're just getting to peek over my shoulder for a moment. That said, feel free to quit reading..............
Thanksgiving Day is officially over, and I am glad. I fully realize that I am blessed, and I've really tried to be thankful for those blessings. I'm thankful, really I am. But today has not been an easy one for me. I'm beginning to wonder if this is what all holidays are going to be like. I have the same knot-in-my-stomach kind of feeling that I had on D's birthday. It's a strange place to be. I hope that I have faked it enough for my family; I don't want to be a downer on their holiday! I have found myself over and over again making a conscious decision to choose joy when what I really wanted to do was crawl in bed and cover my head. I have accepted, for good or bad, that happiness is just out of my reach today, but that doesn't mean that I can't have joy. So, for the bazillionth time today, I am choosing joy in this moment. Happiness is fleeting but joy is eternal.
I looked at the black Friday specials.......there was nothing there to entice me to go out. I usually do go out, but not this year. I just can't stand the thought of it. I might actually head to WalMart sometime in the middle of the night if I can't sleep; I need a new pill cutter. Exciting, uh? I might even get milk and eggs and cook a real breakfast tomorrow. I can't really say if this is a good or bad thing........I won't be spending money on things we don't need--that's good..........I can't even muster the energy to care--that's probably not so good.
The truth is that if I were to go and take on on-line survey at this moment, it would tell me that I am suffering from depression. I know that it's true. It's not the suicidal sort of depression; it's the it's just darn hard to do life right now kind of depression. I've walked through this valley before; I am familiar with this territory. It's not a great place to be. Happiness is not to be found here........but joy still cannot be taken away; I know this to be a fact as well. The Peace that passes understading is alive and well here! How can I be here and still have deep abiding peace.........that's the part that passes understanding, but it's oh so true. Do you know what else I know about being in this place? It's quiet, it's lonely............it's also the place where I hear the whisper of God. It's a place that is so devoid of all of life's noises that I hear Him speak so clearly. It's the place where I don't even have to try to stand up and walk because He's carrying me through. I know that the only way out is to follow the sun, The Son.......and to take hold of all the climbing tools He puts in my hand. I know that one day soon, He will place my feet on solid ground. Until then, I will choose joy............moment by moment, I choose joy.
Tomorrow is a new day..........great is His faithfulness! I'm looking forward to it!
Thanksgiving Day is officially over, and I am glad. I fully realize that I am blessed, and I've really tried to be thankful for those blessings. I'm thankful, really I am. But today has not been an easy one for me. I'm beginning to wonder if this is what all holidays are going to be like. I have the same knot-in-my-stomach kind of feeling that I had on D's birthday. It's a strange place to be. I hope that I have faked it enough for my family; I don't want to be a downer on their holiday! I have found myself over and over again making a conscious decision to choose joy when what I really wanted to do was crawl in bed and cover my head. I have accepted, for good or bad, that happiness is just out of my reach today, but that doesn't mean that I can't have joy. So, for the bazillionth time today, I am choosing joy in this moment. Happiness is fleeting but joy is eternal.
I looked at the black Friday specials.......there was nothing there to entice me to go out. I usually do go out, but not this year. I just can't stand the thought of it. I might actually head to WalMart sometime in the middle of the night if I can't sleep; I need a new pill cutter. Exciting, uh? I might even get milk and eggs and cook a real breakfast tomorrow. I can't really say if this is a good or bad thing........I won't be spending money on things we don't need--that's good..........I can't even muster the energy to care--that's probably not so good.
The truth is that if I were to go and take on on-line survey at this moment, it would tell me that I am suffering from depression. I know that it's true. It's not the suicidal sort of depression; it's the it's just darn hard to do life right now kind of depression. I've walked through this valley before; I am familiar with this territory. It's not a great place to be. Happiness is not to be found here........but joy still cannot be taken away; I know this to be a fact as well. The Peace that passes understading is alive and well here! How can I be here and still have deep abiding peace.........that's the part that passes understanding, but it's oh so true. Do you know what else I know about being in this place? It's quiet, it's lonely............it's also the place where I hear the whisper of God. It's a place that is so devoid of all of life's noises that I hear Him speak so clearly. It's the place where I don't even have to try to stand up and walk because He's carrying me through. I know that the only way out is to follow the sun, The Son.......and to take hold of all the climbing tools He puts in my hand. I know that one day soon, He will place my feet on solid ground. Until then, I will choose joy............moment by moment, I choose joy.
Tomorrow is a new day..........great is His faithfulness! I'm looking forward to it!
Amy
ps. Mom, there's no need for you to call; I don't want to talk about it.
Sunday, July 17, 2011
The Elevator Pitch
I mentioned way back at the beginning of this blog that God had told me to write. Here's an excerpt from that very first post,
Brooke, author of Warrior Prayers and Notes to Aspiring Writers: Your Dream, God’s Plan (due out next week), is having a little give-away of some interesting items on launch day, and she's challenged her blog readers to write an "elevator pitch" for their books. It's been fun to read other people's blogs on this. Those other people clearly have a dream to have a book published. I want to state up front that I don't have any problem whatsoever with that dream and even think that it could be a God given dream for them. It's just not my dream. My dream is to be obedient in every area and specifically in this call to write. Therefor, I don't have an "elevator pitch" so to speak. My hope is that if I am given the opportunity to be on an elevator or visit with a publisher type person someday that our conversation would go something like this:
By the way, I'd love to pray for you too......just leave a comment here.
"Clearly I have a choice, I can write or I can choose not to write. It's been in my brain and my heart for a week and this is the first time I have done it. And I'm sitting here writing in a notebook when what I really think God wants is for me to write publicly on a blog----okay what I fear is that He wants me to write a book. Did I mention that I'm not a writer???? People with passion for writing write books; people like me do not write books. Oh my, just change my name to Moses now!""
Brooke, author of Warrior Prayers and Notes to Aspiring Writers: Your Dream, God’s Plan (due out next week), is having a little give-away of some interesting items on launch day, and she's challenged her blog readers to write an "elevator pitch" for their books. It's been fun to read other people's blogs on this. Those other people clearly have a dream to have a book published. I want to state up front that I don't have any problem whatsoever with that dream and even think that it could be a God given dream for them. It's just not my dream. My dream is to be obedient in every area and specifically in this call to write. Therefor, I don't have an "elevator pitch" so to speak. My hope is that if I am given the opportunity to be on an elevator or visit with a publisher type person someday that our conversation would go something like this:
Me: Is there anything that I can be praying for you about personally? How about professionally? I know it must be hard for you to determine how to respond to the masses that flock to you!
Publisher-type: shares some prayer requests or maybe vents about their job
Together we pray, right there, right that instant.
Publisher-type: Being leery of everyone, asks, "So do you have a book?"
Me: "God has placed a book deep in my heart. So deep that I'm not even sure where to find it most of the time. It's His book. It's about life. If He wants it published it will be. Did He tell you about my book?"
If the response is a "yes", I would simply ask this person to pray about and get back to me if that's what God lead him or her to do.That's my dream conversation. There may come a point in time that God places in my heart or directs my path into actively seeking a publishing deal with someone---of course that would require a bit more of a book. For the moment, I write. I write here on this blog, I write in my personal journal, and I write here on a blog about my family's journey through cancer. At some point, all of this writing might come together in book form, or it may not. My prayer is still the same, that I would be obedient to the call that I heard so clearly back in April. Pray for me?
By the way, I'd love to pray for you too......just leave a comment here.
Amy
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