Tonight is a hard night for me. My heart is broken for those around me. As I sit and type, two little boys are struggling to breath and maintain healthy oxygen levels. Brain cancer has taken that from them. And my heart is broken for these two moms that God has placed in my path. Their boys are precious; they have fought this disease for years. Yet even the end is a struggle. Yet another friend is in the hospital with her daughter; a bacteria is traveling in her blood. On a normal day, her body would have fought this very common intestinal bacteria and no one would have been wiser. But there are no normal days for those with leukemia. The very medicine that has taken and is keeping the cancer away has also robbed her body of the ability to fight this bacteria. This one is especially close to home for me because that could just as easily be my little girl in the hospital.
My baby asked me just last night to remind her "why this has to happen" to me............we read scripture together, we prayed, we did not get the answer. Together we agreed that this is when faith is the hardest. How can we feel so loved and protected by God and at the same time our hearts are crying, "WHY???" D and I talked about how God sees the bigger picture. I know that is true. It doesn't stop the hurt in the here and now though.
Like I said, it's a hard night for me. God says, "Amy, do you trust Me?" And I can honestly say, "Yes, Lord." And He is holding me close as I cry tears for me and for my mommy friends who would gladly change places with our babies. He reminds me that He loves me enough to do just that for me.........that's why He hung on the cross; to pay, so I wouldn't have to.
Hold me close.............